Asking for Help: Getting Past Reluctance
“To carry each other is not a burden at all, but a kind of privilege.” –Bono
Most of us are overwhelmed, exhausted, and running on caffeine and refined carbs. Those of us with mental illness often feel like we are drowning or screaming on the inside and no one can hear us. We say yes when really want to say no and we stay quiet when our inner voice is yearning to ask for help.
I speak to people every day who are terrified to ask for help. So, why are we so reluctant to do so? The most common concerns are:
-Becoming a burden family, friends and/or coworkers
-Not thinking it will make a difference or do any good
-The perceived stigma of looking weak
-Being rejected
Here are five tips to get the help you need without having to swallow your pride. Keep in mind, we are only as sick as our silent suffering.
- Start by making a list of family, friends, coworkers and/or medical professionals that you can reach out to. Put individuals that have offered help in the past at the top of the list.
- Make your request for help as specific as possible. Example: “Would you be willing to go with me to my first support group meeting? I need you there.” Unfortunately, at times, those who want to help, don’t because they are not sure what you are in need of.
- Match your need to the most capable person on your list.
- Discuss the elephant in the room! Talk about your reluctance in asking for help. Example: “I am hesitant to mention this, but can I ask you a favor?” Doing so can relieve the anxiety you are feeling.
- If you receive a no (which is rare) don’t recoil, move on and ask the next person on your list.
When we are deficient in something, seeking faith in something bigger than ourselves and support from others can save our lives. It is when we don’t seek a community of support, suffering lingers and multiplies. You have a choice. Choose openness. Choose honesty. Choose help!
